On People and Feelings

This is a very personal post. You have been warned.

Out at the train tracks
I dream of escape
But a song comes onto my iPod
And I realize it’s getting late
And I can’t take the staring
And the sympathy
And I don’t like the questions “How do you feel?”
“How’s it going in school?”
And “Do you wanna talk about it?”
Porcupine Tree – Way out of Here

We are an odd species, and surely I cannot put enough emphasis on that remark so that it really illustrates the feeling I am trying to convey.

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On Letting Go

We all like to take a few things for granted.

If we consider Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, there are plenty of things we all love to take for granted, from things most of us we in the Western hemisphere usually have at our disposal, like a ceiling to sleep under, running drinkable water and food for the day, or even more complex endeavours like a good job or friends we can rely on.

So what happens when those constructs are put to test? How do we feel when we need to let go of something we hold most dear?

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Today Was Hard (or how I struggle with my own impatience)

Wake, shower, drive, wait in line, wait some more, someone telling me I stood in line for nothing for the past hour, drive, walk, wait, talk, wait some more…

I think you get the picture.

This is how my morning sounded like. It kind of went on until slightly past noon.

“So what?” You may wonder. Indeed, doesn’t sound much. In fact, I should be able to deal with this easily, just letting go of all of the unwanted feelings and rise above the low-orbiting, heavy weights that push my mood to the ground. Did I mention it also rained?

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Concerning Rainbows

Today I watched a rainbow connect the earth and the sky.

Not like the ones I usually see, nice little parabolic shapes, connecting two points on land. No… this one was different. It just stood there, alone, without fear or care about its surroundings. Could almost see the tiny rain droplets roll down its quasi-impervious multi-coloured surface. Oh, it was quite a sight to behold.

Want to know what else is different? Me.

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So what?

You take a chance, throw your best shot at that giant leap and make the change.

So what?

What happens next? Do you feel better with your choice? Do you feel accomplished? Where is that insta-win state of mind you have been longing for so long? Worse of all – where is all the peace?

It is not there. There are no securities, no safety nets. When you swing from one trapeze to the other, you are on your own. Gravity and momentum. That is all.

“What if I fall?”, people ask me.

So what?

If you fall to the ground it will only mean you are alive and aware of the rules you set to yourself. The rules you respect in order to play the game, no matter wether you cheat or not – cheating is nothing more than validating and legitimizing the rules of play.

Stand up, shake the dust from your clothes, check your smile and move on. In the end, it’s never about the finish line, but about the way you snap your finger to start the next song in the queue.

That’s what!